5. 28 Days Later
While I love a good Cillian Murphy flick, the only thing this movie did for me was show me what it’s like to be a zombie. In fact, it wasn’t until 28 days later that I regained consciousness. I also became allergic to the colors red and black.
4. (500) Days of Summer
Anyone who can be entertained by a sweet little alien boy having his heart stomped on time after time by a mediocre over rated woman should have to sleep on a sack of potatoes for the rest of their lives. That’s all I have to say.
“I could watch that performance to the end of time — and I sort of felt like I had!” – Cate Blanchett
When George Clooney disappeared into the deep black abyss we call space I cried. I cried not for the loss of George Clooney but instead the knowledge that the next 3 hours of my life were going to be spent alone with Sandra Bullock. She laughed, she cried, and then we tried to kill ourselves. And we didn’t wimp out like she did. She constantly did the exact opposite thing of what she was supposed to do. I hate it when characters don’t listen to their sensei.
A dream within a dream within a dream. Mostly because I was asleep. You know when you’re watching a movie on tv and you’re waiting patiently for a commercial break so you can get a snack? Not so with this C.F. of a movie. You can literally get up, get a snack, go to the bathroom, run a marathon, and come back and it won’t matter because you didn’t understand anything before you left anyway. And as a bonus, the movie isn’t even over yet.
What?! Joseph Gordon-Levitt is in this movie too? I didn’t even know that.
1. The Shawshank Redemption
There’s nothing entertaining about meeting a wise black man in prison. If he’s so wise, why is he even in prison? Under what insane circumstances would Morgan Freeman ever be in prison? I rest my case.