Woah, where have I been all this time? I feel like Billy in Hocus Pocus. Rising from the grave. Shaking rotten soil from my white man fro. Realizing Bette Midler is hovering over my grave trying to kill some kiddos. In all honesty I’ve been working on a new TV show for A&E since early December. My weeks can, and have, been anything from 50 hours a week to 110+ hours a week. So yeah, I’ve got one dirty white man fro.
Let’s imagine this moment where I cut open my stitched mouth with a kid’s pocket knife and moths fly out. Possibly some bad breath and a few outdated early ’90s family rated insults.
My fiancé and I are having a “Austin Powers & Junk Food Weekend-orama!” (I’m marrying the best woman, can’t you tell?) We’re already knees deep in regret and diving head first into the rest tonight. Terrible food, terrible jokes, but nostalgia all around. Yes, Austin Powers is hilariously cheesy…like my Doritos. It misses the mark in having a witty script…like the bottom of my Snapple cap. But…at the same time it’s freaking Austin Powers! Half the point of comedies is to embrace the absurd! Enjoy the stupid! Laugh out loud like we do at that sinking man in the “lol” text acronym! (See? He’s waving for help while we just laugh at him.)
Mike Myers has never been called a “genius” but he is a solid good comedian none the less. Although some jokes fall awkwardly flat, he resurrects them with his multi-character talented reactions. He’s got great comedic timing. He rocks the bad teeth and bald cap. Elizabeth Hurley rocks the late ’90s sex appeal. And Basil Exposition is…actually, I have no idea what to say about him! He’s not good by any means but I can’t help and like him for no apparent reason! You’re my hero Basil! All you need is a cape and acting classes!
When Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery was released into theaters, I had many pre-teen reasons to love this movie. Visually it’s colorful and continuously eye catching. I can’t deny that the early swinger ’60s caught my attention away from Power Rangers for 89 minutes. Elizabeth Hurley and the Sexbots with the machine gun jubblies were also continuously eye catching…for obvious…reasons. But most of all for me, it was the parody of James Bond and all early spy genres. The terrible aim making the hero god-like to bullets, the logic loop holes that you ignored so the secret agent could bang other secret agents with names like Alotta Fagina and Pussy Galore, and of course the happy ending where no one dies and the world is saved from some hilariously poor yet extravagantly designed end of the world scenario via convoluted destruction of all mankind. Dare I say my own comedic sensibility learned a lot from Austin Powers? Oh yeah baby. (See? Bad jokes yet good enough that you’re still reading!)
I will never be opposed to re-re-re-enjoying Austin Powers. My own kids will one day insult me to my face for making them watch it. And I’m okay with that. I highly recommend these movies for any and all kinds of date nights. Even if the date night is just you and a can of Spam. Don’t tell me what you’re doing with it, I don’t want to know.