The Hunter

I grew up watching a lot of the Discovery Channel and Animal Planet so stories about the Tasmanian Tiger have surfaced once or twice. As much as I love Willem Dafoe and Sam Neill, the elusive yet probably extinct animal is what really lured me in. Is that sad? I’ve spent years of my life studying performance art on stage and on screen. I will be in debt for years because I pursued a Bachelors in Audio and Video Production. When at work I’m either pointing a camera or editing a story and when I’m not at work I have deep discussions with my friends about emotional states and theories of comedy. But when I’m flipping through Netflix the word “tiger” catches my eye and that’s how I decide what movie to watch?

The Green Goblin and the dude who hates kids from Jurassic Park make for an amazing duo! Sure, their screen time together is limited but efficient. Go Green Goblin! Go! (Am I rooting for the villain?) Willem Dafoe. I’ve seen you beat the crap out of Tobey Maguire, get moody when Bill Murray doesn’t pick you to be in his search party, cross dress and then kill the man you made out with, and be immortalized as a stop motion rat. Today I watched you achieve a feat that only I’ve only seen Tom Hanks do better. You carried a movie with the absolute least amount of dialogue possible. Tommy Hanks was brilliant in Cast Away telling the story with his face. Willem Dafoe, you told a story while wandering the island of Tasmania alone (with minor breaks to talk small talk with two kids). Much props.

Alright, props have been dished. Now I have to say that the movie wasn’t that good. The story wasn’t concrete but still plausible. Some scenes I just couldn’t explain. “Yeah! We’re mean and Australian so we’re going to drive up and shoot our rifle at your feet and then leave!” Really? Why? I get it, you’re a bully. I much rather see you give someone a wedgie. Or an indian burn. Or call them bougar-face. (Apparently my thoughts of bullies are from the 1950’s.)

I will say I kept watching because I knew Dafoe would find the Tasmanian Tiger. It’s pretty predictable in that sense. And if he didn’t find it, the director and the script had to deliver in some fashion. SPOILER ALERT! I liked that he killed it. The animal was alone and wanted to die. I’m enough of an activist to care about animals and never want to see them die or wiped off of our planet. But the world can’t stop changing and the existence of mankind will always bring more complicated malicious intents on Earth. I mean, have you not seen Captain America? (Yes, I chose that movie to prove my point. You’re welcome.)

The only thing that was missing from The Hunter was a T-Rex. Can Jurassic Park IV or V or XX just be the elimination of dinosaurs from our planet? Just steal any alien movie plot where we fight against our own extinction. I want to see Chuck Norris roundhouse kick a raptor and Kate Beckinsale shoot a few T-Rexes while dressed in all black leather. (That movie idea just made me a better Hollywood asset than Michael Bay.)

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