The Santa Clause

It was the year 1994 and Tim Allen was one of the kings of television, next to the great Jerry Seinfeld. His successful show Home Improvement was almost halfway through its run on ABC, and it was a year before Toy Story came out. It’s weird how a star can disappear from the bright lights of stardom without disappearing. It’s like Eddie Murphy, Tim Allen, and Mike Myers disappeared from any camera in sight and became a donkey, a space ranger, and an ogre. That’s what Eddie, Tim, and Mike were basically known for during a span for around a decade.

Why was there a Christmas trilogy? Why did people at Disney decide that a Christmas trilogy was something the world couldn’t live without? When you watch The Santa Clause just keep the other two movies out of your mind. I don’t even see them as connected movies. I tried watching the second one, I begrudgingly got through it, but my mom couldn’t get past the first scene before she passed out from boredom and fatigue. She was the lucky one. That was 104 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. The third one I watched for about 120 seconds then The Santa Clausetapped out because I had enough, life is too short. What was wrong with the style of the first movie that they couldn’t incorporate in the second and even the third if they thought it was so important to make these movies. There are some good Tim Allen jokes in the first one that make it charming enough to watch once a year. The little kid complains a little too much for my taste but that’s nothing a little Tim Allen humor can’t fix. The second and third installments of this Christmas franchise are just too cartoonish for anybody above the age of 7 ½. This movie did lose me for a couple scenes, like when they bust out into a dance from a ZZ Top song, or when the elves bust Santa out of jail and are flying (I still don’t understand that jail-cell cutting tool). Those scenes kind of made me scratch my head and reach down into my bag of popcorn, trying to see if a snack could get through the scene.

Rarely do we see a movie explore how Santa becomes Santa. This movie takes an interesting take on the idea and apparently you just need to knock a fat guy off the roof and you’re the new Santa (then he runs around naked). But does that mean everybody can be Santa? You would think that at least one woman would have knocked a Santa off a roof a couple of times or something. But I guess the Santa job doesn’t apply to the guidelines of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

I wish they spent more time on the idea of the “Santa Claus space time continuum” that makes it possible for one man and some flying reindeer to fly around a world in one night delivering presents, while still having time to eat milk and cookies at every stop. Or even on that note to have the time to give even the “bad” kids a lump of coal. Why not just skip them altogether and save time? But I guess if I was a waiter and did a poor job, getting a one cent tip would make me more bananas then getting no tip at all. If I got nothing for a tip as a waiter then I might rationalize that they forgot and it was a mistake, thus furthering my poor performance. So I guess the fat guy knew what he was doing.

The Santa Clause runs at a cool 97 minutes. That’s the same amount of run time for “A Christmas Vacation” and “Elf” oddly enough. So maybe the winning formula for an enjoyable holiday movie is 97 minutes? Sorry Jingle All the Way (89 minutes). But I guess The Santa Claus Three: The Escape Clause (97 minutes) kills that theory. I really thought I was on to something until I saw that fun fact. Anyways…..Tim Allen made The Santa Clause enjoyable. But even Tim Allen couldn’t be charming enough to make the two future installments enjoyable to watch. So, enjoy this one and forget the other ones exist.

-Eric B


2 responses to “The Santa Clause

  1. Pingback: Christmas and Movies | Nair My Brain·

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