Being stuck on an elevator is never going to be a pleasant experience, but being stuck on the elevator with these holiday characters would be a nightmare.
5. Thanksgiving Turkey
Being stuck in an elevator with a live bird doesn’t sound very safe. The turkey would be flying around and “gobblin” about with its claws all over the place. Plus, there is just too much bad blood between the Thanksgiving Turkey and the American people. This would be like putting Superman and Lex Luthor in a room and telling them to play nice, it’s not going to happen. You could cut the tension in that elevator with a carving knife. And just because President Obama pardons a couple of turkeys every year doesn’t mean this untamed wild bird is going to play nice in this confined environment. So if you’re ever trapped in an elevator with the Thanksgiving Turkey either claim to be a vegetarian or a member of PETA for your own safety.
4. The St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun
Being trapped in a elevator with the St. Patrick’s Day Leprechaun would be like having a friend know the winning lotto numbers, but wasn’t ever going to tell you them. That Leprechaun would never tell you where his pot of gold was and being that close to becoming rich would drive you insane. You would end up picking him up by his neck to try and get it out of him, but because he is a Leprechaun, he has magical powers so you would just become another marshmallow for his sugary cereal. You don’t want to mess with Leprechauns, they undoubtedly have a Napoleon complex from being so small all their lives. So any false move or comment and you’re going to be sitting in a soggy bowl of morning delight for some obese little kid. I would rather take my chances sharing an elevator with a trigger happy Cupid then this drunkin Leprechaun.
3. Frosty the Snowman
Just the thought of being around him gets that song stuck in my head, and the last thing I want stuck in my head while I’m trapped in a claustrophobic nightmare of a scenario is the “Thumpetty thump thump, Thumpetty thump thump” of the Frosty the Snowman song. If that s not enough to convince you picture yourself being trapped in an elevator with a live snowman….What do you think is going to happen? He’s going to melt. You would have to witness the death of a beloved classic Christmas character, and on top of that your socks are going to get wet. The plus side to this situation is that you gain a free top hat for your wardrobe, two pieces of coal for a warm fire, and a nice corncob pipe to put on your coffee table that could make a good talking piece with somebody at a party.
2. The Ghost of Christmas Past
I know what you’re thinking, what’s so bad about the Ghost of Christmas Past? That’s suppose to be the ghost that shows the good times of past Christmas’s before you become old and jaded, the ghost of Christmas future is the scary one! Well picture yourself being trapped in a room with somebody that knows all your Christmas mistakes. Do you really want to relive them? Let’s say for example that maybe one year you got your wife a toaster, while she got you Super Bowl tickets is that something you want to relive over and over? You could be trapped in that elevator with that ghost for a long time, the Fire Department might be busy getting some old lady’s cat out of a tree. Or maybe another year you had too much eggnog and you felt up the wrong Mrs. Claus and got into a fist fight with your father-in-law. Sounds like good times doesn’t it? Being trapped in an elevator with a ghost that can recount how stupid you’ve been over the years doesn’t sound like my cup of tea. Give me the scary Ghost of Christmas Future any day, maybe he’ll scare me so much I’ll pee my pants, I bet he won’t be bothering me after that.
1. Santa Claus
I’m sure some of you are dumbfounded right now with my next selection, but just hear me out. Ol Saint Nick would have plenty of milk and cookies to survive on for a while but just picture yourself having to be trapped in a small space with him for a extended period of time. His is really old so chances are he is going to smell, and if he doesn’t smell because of that then the thousands of kids sitting on his lap at the mall every year has definitely left its mark. Nothing would be cooler then bonding and making friends with somebody that could get you a lot of cool free stuff, but picture yourself trying to hold a conversation with the guy. He works one day a year and does the same thing every time! How many stories do you think this guy has to tell? Just imagining him complain about how lazy and self-centered Rudolph has gotten since his own hit song came out, or how Mrs. Clause sleeps around with Jack Frost too much drives me insane just thinking about it. So, the next time you want to take the elevator do yourself a favor and take the stairs.