The Thing (1982)

Is it still Halloween week? (…that’s sarcasm.)

Who doesn’t like Kurt Russell? Ugh. If you just raised your hand, I pity you. Follow these instructions: 1. Go out and buy me some Gobstoppers. 2. Abuse Netflix and watch The Thing. Mary Elizabeth Winstead just came out in her remake of The Thing this month. I have yet to see it, but might as well. I mean, its MEW guys! HEY! HEY! Hey! No drooling on the keyboard. Drool over MEW another time.

So, The Thing. Awesome? Yes. And let me tell you why. Just like The Exorcist and Child’s Play, The Thing predates computers. “What does that have to do with this movie Dr. Debonair?” Wow, I thought I was the only one who called me that. Before the computer era, special effects were physically tangible. So when The Thing takes its many forms, it’s realistic and outstanding! What’s with the red veiny tongue colored fingers? I don’t know but they’re real! (There may be 4 seconds of stop motion animation, but everything else is live special effects.) The weather was real too! Not Antarctica winter weather, but most definitely British Columbia winter weather. Shooting everything on a set has become a cheap safety for this new generation of film. So being nostalgic in this post is completely appropriate.

Even though I greatly enjoyed this movie, it’s not really worth that much time. Yes, the special effects are gooey and incredible. However, the story is kind of ridiculous. If you’re looking for a creepy movie that will send your date into your arms, The Thing is only it if she doesn’t get nauseous. I personally think the movie was fine, but for some reason I’m incredibly desensitized. I cannot recall a single movie that made me queasy. So for your sake, I’ll continue to play it safe and warn you of gore or gut moving sequences. And to make it official, here’s your warning. DR. DEBONAIR WARNS YOU OF AWESOME BODILY FLUIDS THAT REMIND HIM OF AN EVIL FLUBBER! (Haha, Flubber.)


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